a bit overwhelmed

I sneaked into civilization today.  Always a good way to experience anxiety, annoyance, and a deep urge to return to the forest.  First, driving.  I started driving late in life.  I am foremost a pedestrian, but in the past I was a great hitchhiker.  No Sissy Hankshaw, but I held my own.  Driving myself just seems wrong somehow.  I worry about accidents, getting pulled over, mechanical failure, and road conditions.  Hard to relax and enjoy the scenery that way. 

Then there is civilization itself.  I do not enjoy being seen, noticed, observed, or watched.  I prefer to be overlooked, ignored, and forgotten.  Strangers just creep me out.  Don't know why, I am sure they are perfectly personable people.  I have yet to mauled by a mob of zombie-like consumers at the local mega-store.  Nevertheless, I am constantly on guard.  Mega-store shoppers are herd animals, not predators.  They mostly just graze the aisles in ponderous self organizing flocks, occasionally grouping to interact with their mobile devices in front of the very provision (I am sure there is a formula to explain it) that I am trying to purchase. More anxiety for me.  It is a good thing that I only go to town a few times a month.

Social networking is a much milder version of the same stress.  I feel very exposed in public formats, but I am trying to overcome this in order to promote my novel.

Been trying to come up with strategies for getting a good book cover.  My own art just isn't good enough, in my opinion.  I want people to notice e-book when they see it for sale somewhere and say, "Oh, gimme!"

Hopefully I can find some clever artist who will do it for the exposure and the goodwill of helping a mad hermit distribute his rantings.  I looked into hiring a professional artist, and my brain melted from the legalese of "work for hire" arrangements, rights transference, and the like.  Somehow the law can complicate the simplest arrangements.

We learn and grow.  Maybe by the time I get to my third novel I will be race-car driving, power-shopping, twitter-superstar.  Hopefully, at least, I will have a place to live.