Monday, December 12, 2011

Cover

Please forgive my extended hiatus from internet communications.  I have been immersed in various media in an assault on my nervous system designed to stimulate my next book and keep the Xmas music at bay. From Grand Theft Auto to the L Word to rereads of the classics of Robert Anton Wilson I have been soaking up cultural input in a non-linear soup.

Normal Heroes is nearly ready for publication. There are still a few sentences here or there that need a bit of scrub and buff, but I am rather pleased with the work as a whole.

My attempt to enlist a talented comic artist to do the cover was a failure, sadly. However, I used my own, rather erratic and bizarre, visual arts talent to slap together a passably eye-catching and hopefully less than hideous cover.  It is loosely based on the cover for Superman #1 and I think it conveys the lowbrow pulp spirit of the entire project.


Not the riot of cartoon boobs I had hoped for, but perhaps it will do.

Look for the impending release of Normal Heroes sometime around the New Year (or, if you use a different calendar for the measurement of the year, seven days past the next new moon.)

Thanks much to all of my followers who refused to let my internet silence be an excuse to stop following, subscribing, or whatever social media catch-tag means they read my posts. Your loyalty is undeserved, your personal appearance is frankly fantastic, and, I am sure, the gods themselves are in total awe of you.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Excerpt from Normal Heroes

I have been deep in my editing, and even deeper in procrastination of my editing.  Thought you might like a post, so I found an excerpt for you.  It doesn't have any spoilers, just a little back story.  Enjoy.

-excerpt-


Soon, Alice was walking down the highway. She felt like herself, for the first time in days. Now, she was in her element. Alice double checked her rail-board systems and set her cover-all to its maximum cooling power. After a couple of miles, she came to a crossroads that had a security-cam. She waved to her public, smiled, and took a left.

A while later, she got to the train tracks that would take her west. After using her rail-board to check satellite surveillance, she found a shady spot to wait. When thirty minutes had passed, she heard the train screaming its warning at the road crossing. She counted the cars as they passed, an old habit she had picked up from her father. The train had two sleek electric engines, and four battery cars behind them. After that, she counted twenty-one passenger cars. Alice waved to the people inside. Then, came forty freight boxes, then fifteen flatbeds. When she saw the end of the train coming, she put the rail-board in running mode. It flashed a pattern of lights to indicate that it detected the train. She told it she was ready, and stepped back a few paces.

As the last car went by, the rail-board shot out its tether, that latched on to the underside of the car. Alice casually walked over and picked up the board, careful to avoid touching the tether as it spooled out at great speed. She set the board down on the right-hand iron rail, mounted it, and told it she was ready. The board smoothly accelerated, under its own power, until it matched speed with the train, and then began to catch up. Alice told the board to leave sixty feet of cable out. Alice used to ride twenty feet behind, but the danger of the train whipping projectiles at her was too high. Riding a long tether was more dangerous in high traffic areas, where road transports were waiting for trains to pass. When the board reached the proper distance, it shut down its drive and let the train pull it along. The spinning of the rail-board's wheels generated power reserves, so it could catch up to the next train Alice tethered.

It was a noisy, dirty, dangerous, and illegal way to travel. Alice loved it. She took a vid-feed of herself sitting on the board as its odometer passed one kilometer. She mailed the feed to the Iceland factory workers that had built her new board, and another copy she mailed to the millions of people that loved her. She laughed behind her mask and tried to take stills of wildflowers, flying past at eighty miles per hour. This beat the hell out of jumping on trains, as she had done in the past.

It all started with a bottle of gin. The bottle belonged to her father. It was mostly full. Alice was thirteen years old. She lost her mother five years before. A drug overdose. Everyone told her it was a heart attack, but she knew better.

The bottle of gin was sitting on the tiny kitchenette table in the FEMA trailer she shared with her father. The trailer, assigned to them after the great LA Quake, was cramped and dirty. It always smelled faintly of skunk. Outside the windows, dust flew in massive clouds over the north Kansas prairie.

Alice was crying. The tears turned to mud on her dust covered face. The neighbors had called the law on her father, again. They always did that. Alice loved her father. She did not care if he was drunk, or poor, or a bad role model. She heard her father snoring in the bedroom. It was two in the afternoon. The law told Alice they were coming back to get her. They were taking her away. Alice knew who called the law. It was that Bucky Johnson. He hated her dad, because Felicia Johnson was sweet on him. Alice's dad didn't care either way. He cared about gin. Alice cared about her dad. That's how it worked. Alice grabbed the bottle. A train slowly accelerated, some distance away. Alice rummaged in kitchen drawer and found an old cloth rag. Then she found some matches.

Alice picked up the bag she had packed. It contained all of her best stuff. It did not weigh much. She pulled the bag onto her shoulders and wiped at her muddy tears. She went out into the raging dust storm. The cloth she had over her face did not help much. She could taste the dust dripping down her throat from her sinuses. It tasted like hunger and failure. It reminder her fallen cities and her mother's cold flesh. She closed the trailer's door and wished that the lock still worked. She wanted her dad to be safe.

She could barely see in the blowing dust. Good, she thought. She made her way through the maze of FEMA trailers, until she found the one assigned to the Johnsons. She went around the back of it, away from the door. The Johnsons' poor, stupid dog was tied there, cowering in the dust. It didn't notice Alice as she stepped by. Near the hitch of the trailer, on the side away from the door, was a storage hatch. Alice lived in exactly the same model of trailer, so she knew. Alice also knew that these shitty FEMA trailers had shitty hardware that always broke. Alice opened the hatch. It had a rusty old tool box in it. She pulled out the tool box and looked inside. The only thing good she found, was a greasy box cutter with a new razor blade. She put it in her pocket. She knew stealing was against the law, but she had no use for the law. They were coming to take her away from dad.

Alice knew that right above the hatch, inside the trailer, was a bed. Just like in her shitty FEMA trailer. She opened the bottle of gin and took a sip. She hated the taste, but it reminded her of her dad. She took another sip and then stuffed the old rag down the neck as far as she could. She looked over at the poor stupid dog. Alice carefully put down the bottle. She used the box cutter to cut the thin rope that held the dog to the trailer. She kicked the dog. Just hard enough to make him run away. She picked up the bottle and turned it upside down. When the rag started to drip, she righted the bottle. Alice placed the bottle on its side, in the storage hatch. She got out her matches.

The third one she tried lit the rag. She calmly watched it flare. Soon the bottle broke from all the heat. Fire started spreading in the hatch. Time to go, she thought. Alice ran toward the sound of trains.

The security at the rail yard did not see her. Alice assumed they were hiding from the dust. She found a box car with an open door and climbed into it. She did not know where the train would go. Before the dust quit blowing, Alice was many miles away.

A year later she got her first rail-board. Around the same time she found out her father died in Kansas, frozen to death behind a convenience store. She was in Prague, working as a house painter, and sleeping in an abandoned building. She bought a tiny bottle of gin to help her remember him.

Alice never found out what happened to the Johnsons. Sometimes, she liked to think, they escaped the trailer fire. Sometimes, she liked to think, they didn't.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Finally!

Banner day.  Mark your calenders.  I finished the first draft of Normal Heroes today.  That's right.  It is drafted.  Now for some minor editing and rewriting.  Jump on the bandwagon now to reserve a reviewer copy of the ebook.  You know you want to.   I am so excited to have the major hurdle of the first draft out the way that I am typing this triple speed.  That's like twelve words per minute.  Actually, my typing is a bit faster than that after all this manuscripting.  Is that a word?  It is now!  I am a writer, dammit!  Have the final word count, my gift of useless stats for you:

161,138

That will probably change here and there in editing and rewriting, but I will call it final because, well, I have a strong sense of closure with penning the final chapter.  It feels really good.  I deserve cake.  Or possibly pie.  Yes, pie.  Thank you all for supporting me, reading my blogs and my twitters.  Thanks everyone on LitReactor for their words of encouragement and supportive attitudes.  You guys rock.  Yes rock can be a verb, if I want it to.  I am a writer, dammit!  Okay, I am done freaking out for now.  Look for a lot of posts that say "I did some more editing and the book still isn't out yet."  I will try to throw in some wit, sarcasm, self loathing, satire, inoffensive social commentary, and the occasional movie review to keep it from getting too repetitive.  I might go nuts without new chapters to write and try my hand at a short story or two.  Stay pointed at my feed with preferred configuration of electronic information device for further updates and silliness.

A. Mason Carpenter,
a writer, dammit!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Progress Report 43

I now have 63 chapters drafted.  I know, most novels don't have so many chapters.  Well, I am not writing most novels, I am writing this one.  It needs a lot of partitioning.  With four main story lines and uncounted sub-plots, interspersed with a hundred years of historical background and fun speculative fiction "facts," it is nice to have a lot of short chapters instead of a few big ones.  I am trying to present the story in something of "short attention span friendly" way.  After a few minutes of reading about one character, the point of view jumps to another character.  This way, the television programmed brain cycles of the modern media viewer feel like content is flowing in at an acceptable rate.  Not to berate or belittle my potential readers.  This is not something I am forced to do because my audience has limited abilities, but rather something I am choosing to do in order to tell the story in the context of a society drenched in competing media technologies.  Okay, I am starting to sound pretentious and artsy.  I will stop.  My book has a lot of chapters.  That's all I wanted to say.  Some of the chapters contain nudity, strong language, divergent cultural ideas, and plenty of roller derby. (Now that is promotional copy!)

The word count is up around 154k.

I know you are thinking something along the lines of "Why is this jackass rambling on and on about some book that isn't even available yet and very few people will actually read.  I mean the fool isn't even going to TRY to get it published.  The moron is just going to upload it to the internet and hope some influential basement bloggers will tell their other basement bound readers to read the novel.  All this based on the merit that Mr. A. Total Jackass Carpenter thinks the book is worth reading.  What are you a hippie?  A caveman?  A dirty commie?  I could be looking at porn right now!  Stop wasting my time!"

All I can say is, you've got some good points.  This is all a sort of experiment.  Please bear with me and I will try not to waste too much of your precious titty staring time. 

Friday, October 7, 2011

Progress Report 42

I just finished chapter 61.  That's a pretty big chunk without a blog entry.  I had a net snafu yesterday.  No net all day.  Got some quality writing done without all the distractions.  I even drew a new avatar and played some video games.  It was like a mini-vacation.  Here's what I drew:


pic.twitter.com/JL5iKvzt

I like my writing more than I like my drawing, but it is fun to doodle occasionally.

So the novel is creeping ever closer to being fully drafted.  I've done some preliminary editing on the entire text as well, just aiming at the most simple grammatical, spelling and formatting errors.  When I finish the draft I will go back over the whole thing, line by line, and punch it up a bit.  Then it is time to publish.  I spent some time today researching all the hoops I need to jump through in order to sell on Amazon and B & N.  I will probably also sell on Smashwords.  I would rather eliminate all of the corporate fat cats with their monocles and top hats, but they have an ability to distribute that I could never compete with as an indie.  I should not bitch, though.  At least there is a viable alternative for indie writers now.  I hope my book makes the ebook mafia lots and lots of bread, that way I have some crumbs to eat.

The word count is finally over 150k!  I keep trying to imagine what it would look like in the used paperback pile, even though it will never be in one.  I fondly fantasize that it will be a thick enough book to stop a small caliber bullet.  I bet my ereader wouldn't.

I hope you are all enjoying my silly blog here, and looking forward to the release of Normal Heroes (now with an author that knows the difference between "it's" and "its!").

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Progress Report 41

I just finished chapter 57.  Lots of action packing.  I feel sorry for my heroes, I have been torturing them for your entertainment.  We are such monsters, the way we treat our beloved fictional characters.  Maybe I should start HETFC, Hermits for the Ethical Treatment of Fictional Characters.  Send five dollars now.

I don't want to spoiler the story so this is a short report.  Be sure to drop me a mail if you want to get a free advance copy of my ebook.  All I ask is that you do not redistribute it and that you write a rave review, possibly comparing me to a minor deity.  Put "Advance Copy" in the subject field and send me a mail at amcarpwriter -at- gmail -dot- com.  I will electronicly transmit an electronic copy to your electronic mail box as soon as it is ready.  I have about fifteen chapters left to draft and some minor tweaking here and there.  I could have a reviewer copy ready in a few weeks, depending of course upon a thousand variables, such as the price of coffee and how much gunk collects under my space bar.

Want the stats?  Yay!

new grand total word count - 140,747

I did an experiment with setting it up in manuscript submission form.  It came to 793 pages.  That's 12 point courier new, double spaced, one inch margins.  Lots of wasted e-paper.  Good thing I am an indie, postage alone would kill my grocery budget, let alone the cost of paper and ink.  Sorry, all you publishing agents, printers, distributors, brick and mortar bookstores, marketing experts, and legal professionals.  You get no money from my talent (or lack thereof), just me and few evil e-commerce megaliths of doom.  All hail the megaliths of doom! 

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Progress Report 40

Got a few more chapters done since my last post.  I have been super distracted lately, so I am struggling a bit.  Not to worry, though, the novel is still pumping along.  The latest chapter has police bribes, a brand new pair of roller skates, economic satire galore, and a student housing ghetto.  I even managed to pack in some action.  Call the visual effects department in you brain and tell them begin work on the CGI scenes in my upcoming novel, Normal Heroes.  A big budget block buster of a story that will only cost about a nickel a chapter.  How cool is that?

new grand total word count - 133,551

Granted, I had to make up a few. Have a preview:

niid - the National Identification Information and Designation card.  If you don't have one, you are well and truly humped.

FITDs - Spam attached to business correspondence, short for "foot in the doors."  A way for modern businesses to profit from the captive demographic of employees.

igg or igby - short for "in game girlfriend/boyfriend."  A common relationship model in the year 2040.

USDFDATFP - the United States Department of Food, Drugs, Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Pornography, government downsizing makes for strange bedfellows.

Learn these useful words and more, when you read my forthcoming guide on how to live in an all too familiar near future America, Normal Heroes.


Friday, September 30, 2011

Progress Report 39

Sorry for the delay in updates.  I actually took a whole day off from writing yesterday.  I don't recommend this.  Any delay in the narrative flow is hard to recover from.  I got chapters 51 and 52 done today.  They have underage ex-convicts, old ladies with name-brand Japanese assault rifles, pumpkin pie, various campsites, doing the laundry, uninvited helicopters and vast acres of hemp.  Put that in your pipe and don't get caught smoking it without a prescription.  I am listening to Ween, drinking espresso, eating leftover casserole burritos and being damn glad I don't have to go to town today.  Want to see the latest word count?

new grand total word count - 128,837

Thanks to everyone that has been reading these blogs and following my progress on this novel.  I am in the early planning stages of a preview, short story, bonus, freebie, teaser, type of thing.  A few thousand words of free writing to thank all my watchers, followers, commenters, and various people who have taken notice of my work in progress.  Keep an eye out here for updates on this freebie.  Also, if anyone with graphic art talents wants to donate some concept art or even a cover for the ebook, let me know.  You can contact me at amcarpwriter -at- gmail -dot- com.  Thanks again for being a reader.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Progress Report 38

Part Two is finished now! Rejoice and celebrate, invent a new folk dance and teach it to a stranger!  Think I am all out of inconsequential milestones?  Think again, buster.  I just finished writing chapter 50.  The big half C.  That's one chapter done of Part Three and twenty something to go.  Normal Heroes will be hitting the electronic shelves before you know it.  So, grab a sharpie and make a note on the wall next to your computer.  It is okay, you can take down the Cheryl Teigs poster, your mom never liked it hanging there in her basement anyway.  Go ahead and buy one of those fancy new book reading gizmos from everyone's favorite evil corporation named after a river and save some room for me on your memory card.  Normal Heroes is coming to get you!

Check out these word count stats while I translate this into Klingon so even your friends can read it.

new grand total word count - 124,705

Some of them are even spelled correctly.

Until my next progress report, live long and prosper, may the force be with you, to infinity and beyond, and, er, here I come to save the day!

Oooh, Mighty Mouse, nice.  I am the only one that ever dreamed of a Mighty Mouse -slash- Danger Mouse international crossover blockbuster rodent-palooza?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Progress Report 37

Greetings, fans of unfinished speculative fiction everywhere!  I know you are all chomping at the bit to read Normal Heroes, if, for some reason, you are wearing a bit that is.  What you do in the privacy of your own home is none of my business.  I have another two chapters slapped on to the old manuscript.  It is like a living, breathing monster, now.  I woke up from a dream about two characters that aren't even in the story.  I think the fact that I am dreaming in the universe of my novel is a good sign.  I wonder if other writers do that.  I should read their blogs.  If I were younger and hipper and more machine savvy, I would have inserted some cute little smiley face made of punctuation marks back there.  You will just have to imagine what that would have looked like.  My punctuation marks are reserved for misuse in prose.

The latest chapter has a fake alien bartender, young octogenarians, a golf cart escape, and more international roller derby fun.  Also a malfunctioning robot.  If anyone thinks I am not having fun, well, they are wrong.  Insert Mos Eisley Cantina song here.

new grand total word count - 117,832

Gee, Martha, that there sure is a whole heap of words, boy howdy.  Keep in mind that I come from a culture where most people won't read a whole book, much less write one.  The local bestseller is a photocopied guide on how to cook meth, published by the US government back in the eighties.  Insert Imperial March (Darth Vader's theme) here.  Let's just pretend I didn't say that last part.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Progress Report 36

Chapters 45 and 46 are finished now.  Just three more chapters and Part Two is finished.  Chapter 46 has alleged cannibalism, community youth roller derby try outs, amateur medical advice, virtual dentistry, and a compound fracture.  Take that, traditional speculative fiction!  Tell your friends about my upcoming novel, Normal Heroes.  They will thank you someday.

new grand total word count - 112,559

Think of all the paper you will save by reading my ebook only novel.  It will be like paying a tree to survive.  Well, the universe is trying to get my attention, so I will stop my feeble attempts at self promotional propaganda.  For now...

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Project Report 35

Chapter 44 is complete.  Five more chapters until the end of part two and the beginning of part three.  Chapter 44 has robots, cheap special effects, a luxury resort and sarcasm recognition algorithms.  That last one is something today's science should really get to work on.  See?  You can't tell if I was being sarcastic or not, just then. 

chapter 44 word count - 2416

new grand total - 107,810

Want to know what my day is like?  Of course, you do!  I am watching Gentlemen Broncos and eating homemade peanut butter cookies.  I am drinking super strong red-eye coffee.  The weather is warm and mild, I think autumn is late to the party.  How is your day?

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Progress Report 34

I have been slacking off on my progress reports.  Forgive me, I have been somewhat ill.  Since my last report I have written two more chapters.  I am also happy to announce that I finally learned how to put in page breaks.  Now my manuscript looks a lot more like an actual manuscript and a grocery list of my own madness.  The latest chapter has futuristic super cacti, a fishing trip, North America's oldest apartment complex and talking animals.  Do these little teasers make you want to read my novel?  Of course they do!

Act 2 is nearing completion.  That leaves us with just one more act to get through.  Then some editing and polishing.  Then some paperwork.  Then I will send out some free copies that hopefully someone will review.  Then more paperwork.  Then I publish, yay!  Then I can get paid, hopefully.  Or not.  I will keep writing either way.

I am better at writing fiction than I am at writing blog entries.  Really.  Watch.

Harold was a confused boy.  His mother told him to put down the dog and come to dinner.  He shot the dog in the face with his dad's .45 and said, "Okay, Mom, what's for supper?"

See?  A whole short story with a plot twist and everything.  I could do that all day.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Progress Report 33

Chapter 41 is done.  It is a lot of fun.  There is violence, sabotage, a hostage situation, a few bowls of lukewarm gruel and some action movie style tough talk.

chapter 41 word count - 2172

new grand total - 100,705

Yet another milestone, the big 100k words.  I would like to thank you all for your kind support and/or indifference.  I may or may not have been able to get this far without you.  Actually I would probably get more writing done if I spent a little less time trying to promote the project.

Anyway, back to work.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Progress Report 32

Chapter 40 is in the can, now.  That's three chapters today and I am a little burnt out.  I think I will drink some homemade hermit wine and be silly for a while.  This latest chapter concerns farm work and corrupt judicial practices.  Hopefully it will be as fun for you to read as it was for me to write.

chapter 40 word count - 2245

new grand total - 98,533

Now for some old Pink Floyd, I mean Piper at the Gates of Dawn old.  And some homemade hermit wine.  I should write you guys a tutorial on how to build hermit wine.  Just don't screw it up, poison your grandmother, and sue me into 2040.  Sorry for the short report.  These fingers are tired of finding the keys.  More tomorrow.

Progress Report 31

Wow, chapter 39 just did not want to end.  I introduced a new supporting character and the old bastard was so excited to be included in the story, I just could not get him to shut up.  I get a narrative perspective headache from him.  Here I am in the present, writing a story that takes place in the future.  Only, it is a novel, you know, so you tell the story in the past tense:

 Jack and Jill went up the hill.  Jill pushed Jack into a vat of radioactive waste and he went on to become a notable, but sadly tragic symbol for super villains everywhere.

Like that. So in the present, writing the future, spoken like the past.  Then some old timer pops into my lovingly crafted setting and starts reminiscing about the past.  He does not care how confusing this can become.  He, like many of us, is indifferent to the feelings of his creator.  So now I am in the present, writing about the future, using a past voice, about a guy that won't shut up about HIS past.  And now he had me writing about writing about it.  It is a freaking house of mirrors in my brain right now.  I may cause a temporal anomaly if I don't just get over it.

Anyway, chapter 39.  What happens to the interstate highway in a post automotive civilization?  How does a celebrity go about bumming a ride from a fan?  Who is this old man who won't shut up?  The answers to these questions and many more can be found in my upcoming novel, Normal Heroes.  But don't take my word for it, grab a copy when it comes out.

chapter 39 word count - 3103

new grand total - 96,288

Thank you to everyone who has been adding me, following me, friending me or whatever your particular social networking platform calls it.  I appreciate the support, kindness, and love sent by the magic of computers to the alchemy of my eyeballs.

Progress Report 30

Chapter 38 is done!  This chapter explores the night life of Normal.  It has a surly pizza waitress, a sorority girl who claims not to be a zombie, impromptu roller derby matches, free beer for strangers, police bribes, gang brawls, an exploration of how infinite bandwidth can change our lives, and a sex scene.  Sex scenes are really hard to write without sounding pornographic, or worse, emulating the cheesy romance novels my mother used to read. You know, all "heaving bosom," and "glistening thigh."  I try to be more like "esoteric eye-twinkle," and "throbbing ennui."  I think the problem lies with describing a subject so often described in prose.  Every literary nipple seems to have been already tweaked.

chapter 38 word count - 2208

new grand total - 93,185

I have reached another useless statistical milestone.  My manuscript is on page 200!  Hurray for keeping track of numbers!  Hurray arbitrary base-ten synchronicity!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Progress Report 29

Chapter 37 is now finished.  It has illegal camping, beer for lunch, same sex platonic cuddling, a dirigible, and a little more thinly veiled satire directed at Austin, Texas.  Does that sound like ground breaking speculative fiction?  It does to me.  Writing these progress reports makes me feel as if I am my own John Madden.  Wow, I just got goosebumps.  Let's look at the numbers.

chapter 37 word count - 2215

new grand total - 90,977

And, today only, for those of us just aching for another milestone in the progress of my novel, I present to you, without further ado,

grand total character count - 502,149  !!

That's right a half million imaginary squiggly lines on theoretical electronic paper(now THAT sounds like science fiction).  I pat my own back, then blog about it. 

Progress Report 28

I just finished chapter 36 of Normal Heroes.  It takes place in Utah, one of the more beautiful places on Earth.  It concerns police contractors, duck ponds, boom-town culture, streamlined justice, and mule-skinning.  A western!  Well, it has trains, mules, um, ducks, and a preacher.  Not John Wayne, but a western nonetheless.

I can see the halfway point of novel on the horizon.

chapter 36 word count - 2242

new grand total - 88,762

Hopefully, I get a chance to squeeze some more thoughts on the future of roller derby into this novel.  I did a little a few days ago, with some characters watching a match between North Korea's team and Iceland's.  I like to think that in the mid-twenty-first century, roller derby will be the most popular sport on earth.  I mean just do the math.  Read Nostradamus, I am pretty sure it is in there.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Normal Heroes

Big news!  I finally settled on a name for my novel!  It is called "Normal Heroes."

What do you think?